i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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