Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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