I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
