i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
