why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
