just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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