now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
