Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
