somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
