are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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