He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
