and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
