i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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