The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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