apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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