Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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