The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
