checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
