dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
