I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
