it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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