so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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