she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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