OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
