I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
