That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
