Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
