Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
