I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
