how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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