So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
