Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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