just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize