Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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