Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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