Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
