and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
