when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
