im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
