im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
