so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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