Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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