Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
