The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved