Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.