I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.