I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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