wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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