i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
