halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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