I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
