fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
