Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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