I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
