I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
