I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
