It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
