I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
