Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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