Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
